He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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