Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
