you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
