sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
