yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i love accidental penises.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
