so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
