walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
