Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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