While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
