Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
