my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
