i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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