"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
