I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want to make out with him forever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
