Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
