So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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