so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
