hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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