It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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