after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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