u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
