He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
