If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
