are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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