Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
