he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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