; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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