I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
