dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
