you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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