Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
