I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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