Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
