Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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