i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
