i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
