Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
