maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
