ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
