It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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