She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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