Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize