He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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