it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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