He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
