So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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