I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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