Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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