I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I am morally bankrupt
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize