Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
