cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I deserve this hangover.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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