the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my nose is crying tears of wow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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