1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
