Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We got so high we made milksteak
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
