what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
