my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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