and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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