and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My brain says no but my pants say off.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
