Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
