My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
