he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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