After last night, I could never be a politician.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
