just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
