My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
