Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
