omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
